The Disconnect Is Maddening

A Rant

There’s this conception of me that I’m calm, grounded, and collected. People often ask: “What keeps you centered when the noise of the world gets too loud?” “How do you stay centered in the face of delays, disappointments, and detours?”

The conception isn’t wrong, but it carries a layer of grief I rarely articulate… until now. My answer is this: First, I breathe. I reconnect with my body and return to the practical. Like what I’m doing right now—writing it out, speaking it out, singing it through to let the pain and frustration be released. Letting myself say, “I wish I had ___ instead of ___.” Because if I didn’t know there were other options, I wouldn’t feel the pull to wish for anything else. But I also know that I’m always exactly where I’m supposed to be, whether I prefer to be there or not. And that truth is always audible, whether it’s soft or screaming.

Then, people ask: “What’s the one thing you wish you had right now? Not a fantasy but the grounded, tangible thing that would actually move the needle.”

To that, I say: An OVERFLOW of MONEY. I NEED MATERIAL EXPANSION. That’s often what I mean when I say I need support and sustainability, but that level of support comes through people. And most people aren’t aligned with me in a way that makes me feel safe. And the way I share information is part of the safety I live inside. So anyone who doesn’t get it (whether innocently or intentionally) will always compromise that safety.

For clarity, I enjoy creating in the void where I don’t have to deal with physical distractions, interruptions, counterpoints, or criticisms. But the catch-22 is that I’m not being supported or sustained in the essential ways. So, I stay in finesse-mode, making the best out of bad situations, reframing unfair, obnoxious contradictions just so I don’t cuss anybody out or harm myself in the process. This part of the process is not fun. It’s not romantic, and it’s not noble. And while it may become nostalgic when you evolve out of it, let’s not forget that for some, this part ends them. They pass away. They don’t make it to the glow-up. They don’t get the callback. And that’s why I hate it because you never really know.

Yet, and still, I show up. Every time I freely put content out, I feel into the potential. I imagine the most aligned audience finally discovering it and getting so moved that they start think-pieces and discussion groups, paying top dollar not just because it’s good but because it’s real, it’s mine, it’s a sacred mirror. I feel into that moment every time I place something behind a paywall, hoping not just for monetary investment but emotional and intellectual investment.

I don’t feed the algorithm to go viral. I create and release into it from a place of sincerity, truth, and resonance. And yet the pattern repeats: Crickets. Invisibility. Algorithmic vacuums sucking me dry while I watch other people regurgitate what I share and get the support I need. Or watch half-assed versions of what I share get fast-tracked into opportunity. And maybe that sounds like a bitter comparison. But I know better. I know everyone has their own energetic blueprint, their own magnet charged for their lessons. What I see as the support I need might not even be a “need” for them. So, this isn’t comparison. It’s the frustration with how the energy moves on this planet.

What we think should be happening rarely matches what the energy is actually responding to. Right now, I think I need money and that’s not just wishful thinking. It’s a logical observation based on real, physical constraints. But the energy around me says I need something else right now. Okay, fine 🙄 …Let’s say these constraints are here to build character, expand my perspective, and deepen my clarity.

But what if I already have clarity? What if I’m already in alignment with the pace of my truth? And the constraints are still here? Then what? Am I supposed to just… wait for the people with money and access to finally rise to meet me? Okay, got it.

But what if they show up after I’ve passed away? Or after I’ve shifted my focus entirely, no longer able to hold space for their tardy realization? Then what? Another cycle? Another loop of frustration with a world that’s always late to what’s real?

This isn’t just about lag. It’s the disconnect between what people “think” they’re doing and what the energy is actually saying. The reason my work nourishes me, the reason it feels safe in my bubble, is that my thoughts and energy are on the same page. But I live on a planet where that kind of harmony is rare, even dangerous. So my deepest frustration is being deeply connected and having no one—physically, tangibly—who can meet me here now.

Even those who are connected in the same way. We often do not share the same mission. We’re not holding the same doors. We’re each clearing pathways for our own resonance and likely dealing with the same unfair frustrations. The journey toward complementarity shouldn’t be this tedious. It shouldn’t require this much unknowing, and yet… here we are.

That’s the core of it, and yeah, I’m grounded, but it’s not because I don’t feel the rage. It’s because I know how to transmute it into something that might actually speed up this collective lag and bridge its disconnect.

Thanks for coming to my Substack Talk 😮‍💨